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who comes first?

I copied this from The Peaceful Wife’s blog.  Today she wrote about how a wife can improve her marriage by making God the most important person in her life.  Not her husband, not herself… God.  She included a list of clues that a wife may not be relying on God and looking to Him for peace, happiness, and contentment in her life.  It brought some things to my attention so I wanted to share it.  I took the liberty of editing the list to make it a little shorter.  To read her entire post, click here.

See if you might be worshipping your husband, yourself, pride, control,  anger, unforgiveness,  marriage, or your husband’s spiritual condition and/or purity as an idol:

  • I expect my husband to “make me happy.” I put ALL of the responsibility for my happiness on my husband’s plate.
  • I am a bottomless pit of continual needs no matter how much my husband does for me.
  • I wager my happiness on my husband’s performance, spiritual condition, purity (i.e. with visual temptation), spiritual maturity, love for me, etc. I make it HIS fault if I am unhappy.
  • My anger, bitterness, resentment, and being “right” are more precious to me than my marriage relationship and intimacy with my husband.
  • My unwillingness to forgive and my anger, bitterness, and resentment are more precious to me than my intimacy with Christ.
  • I try to control my husband, to make him think and feel more like me. I don’t accept him as he is or appreciate that his masculinity is vastly different from my femininity and that our differences are a blessing. I have a wimpy, small, impotent picture of my husband in my life.
  • I think I know better than my husband what we should do in most any situation – that is UGLY PRIDE.
  • I try to control God and remake Him in my own image, too. I have a wimpy, small, impotent image of God in my life. And I have a HUGE, powerful, sovereign picture of myself.
  • I think I know better than God. “Yes, God said that wives are supposed to respect their husbands and follow their husband’s authority and leadership, BUT I am exempt from that because my husband won’t lead/can’t lead/isn’t a believer/has X sin in his life. So I am going to do things MY way! God doesn’t know what He is talking about when it comes to my marriage. I have to take control. I’m the only one who knows what we really need to do right now. I refuse to trust God’s Word.”
  • I constantly want attention, affection, words of love, loving deeds, loving looks, love letters, emails, gifts, and everything to be focused on my husband giving me my desires 24/7. Marriage is all about ME, MY needs, MY feelings, MY desires.
  • I am obsessed with my pain in the marriage and how unloved I feel, but I don’t see my husband’s pain at all or take responsibility for my sin.
  • I think that I am better than my husband.
  • I want to be with my husband ALL THE TIME. I can’t allow him any freedom to pursue hobbies or time with the guys or to relax by himself.
  • I give and give and give and give love to my husband because that is what I want him to give to me. And I am continually disappointed because he doesn’t reciprocate my giving. I have HUGE expectations of my husband.

We don’t necessarily speak these things or even consciously think them.  Sometimes we have to dig deep to find it.  We have to do some serious “exploratory surgery” to find out the real problem that’s causing all those miserable symptoms.  The only thing that can keep us from it is denial.  We must have an open mind as we examine ourselves, investigate our motives, and scrutinize the true causes of our behavior or unhappiness.

I hope you find this as helpful and enlightening as I did.  Even if these are things you don’t currently do, please be aware that they can creep in and ruin your relationship with your husband.

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