Our first wedding anniversary is Sunday. I have a surprise planned for my husband. I asked him if he could find something to do on Saturday. He asked me why. I said I needed some time to myself. He gave me a look I don’t ever remember seeing before.
I think he might have had a deja vu moment… back to just before he asked me to marry him. Something had happened and I knew it would be postponed yet again. I was frustrated. I was heartbroken. I cried. I didn’t want to talk. I just wanted to be alone. That’s what I do. I asked him not to call me, I would call him when I was ready. What I didn’t know is that he had been given the “thumbs up” and had it all planned out, but he couldn’t tell me because he wanted it to be a surprise. He said that was the hardest thing, to watch me suffer knowing he could make it better. But he knew it would be even better if he waited. (I learned a life lesson from that, but I’ll save that story for another day.) Anyway, I think he thought I was going to do the same thing again because I was hurt that we didn’t have big plans. I think it scared him. He thought he’d really messed up. But no. I told him I had something I needed to work on and I needed to be alone to do it. Yes, it had to do with our anniversary. His mind was put at ease.
I normally don’t wait to the last minute for anything. I’m a planner. However, we had tossed around the idea of going away for the weekend, but money has been tight. We kept putting it off hoping we could work things out but it just didn’t happen. I’m sad, but not upset. (I would have been upset if he’d spent money we didn’t have on a luxurious hotel.) I decided that I could not let this pass as another ordinary day, so I determined to throw together a little celebration at home that wouldn’t cost much. I now have this love/hate relationship with Pinterest because two days ago I had no clue what I was going to do, and now I have so many ideas I don’t think I’ll have time to fit them all in! I almost cried today because I wish I had more time to work on it. I’m afraid it won’t be special enough, that it won’t adequately express to him how much I love and appreciate him. Honestly, nothing would be enough. Not if I had a million dollars.